The human experience is not an easy one. When we enter this world we are given few guarantees about what awaits us on our journey. We are promised times of joy and times of sorrow, times of thriving and times of suffering, times of hope and times of despair.
Pain is unavoidable. No one escapes life without enduring their share of it. It may seem as if some have larger burdens than others, but that is not true. It is one’s perception that determines the weight of an experience. No two people have the same reality so no two people will experience adversity the same way.
There are many factors that contribute to our interpretation of life’s challenges. Upbringing plays a significant role in preparing us for the road that lies ahead. We navigate that road through the use of coping skills, healthy or unhealthy, attained in our impressionable years.
Healthy coping skills are not innate; they are learned behaviors. Some of us will have the advantage of proper parental modeling, some of us will not. I did not. The skills I have today were realized through much trial and error—mostly error.
Our instincts take over where our inability to cope leaves off. When emotional pain hurts too much to feel, we instinctively react as we do to physical pain—ignore it, medicate it, deny and compartmentalize it, or bandage it. These makeshift survival skills allow us to move on to the next thing without having to accept what is right before us. They help us build walls of protection. The higher these walls go, the more shielded we are from the pulse of life. Over time these walls imprison us along with all the pain we have held on to.
A great deal of energy is expended in suppressing the pain we carry with us. It becomes a dam of feelings that pushes harder and harder against the wall, trying to break free. We can only suppress it, mask it, or numb it for so long before it starts seeping through the cracks in ways we do not intend. We may have believed that we controlled the pain, but eventually the pain begins to control us.
The pain may turn to bitterness and then bitterness provides a self-righteous rationale to take a victim stance, to justify holding on to the hurt. If we do not believe we caused it then why should we be the one to let it go? We walk around proudly wearing a badge that says, “I am hurt and entitled to it.”
Our pain becomes an integral part of our identity; there comes a time when we do not know who we are without it. We find ourselves stuck—trying to move forward while looking backwards. Every moment is impacted by the pain of our past, and the future looks bleak.
It is very hard to let the past go; there is a sense of comfort in clinging to it, scary to imagine life without it. But clinging to the past is self-sabotage. We must let it go. We must move past our fear and discover the wonderful life that we are entitled to—the one that is waiting for us.
The process of changing, letting our past go, may be frightening and difficult even when we truly desire it. It requires redefining our identity and changing our patterns. But that should never deter us. Everyone can heal their past. All that is required is courage and determination. Whether aware or unaware that we have it within us, we all possess those inner-strengths. It is said that only the bravest souls choose to incarnate into life. We are here because we are incredibly courageous.
The first steps to healing are acknowledging that a problem exists and desiring change.
Since it may take time to excavate through the dense accumulation of emotions, it is best to chip away at them little by little. It helps to have a professional guide us through this process, help us to identify our self-defeating patterns, and help us accept our feelings as they come up.
Feelings never before felt can be very disconcerting. But feeling pain means feeling human. By allowing ourselves to feel we become stronger, more resilient, and better equipped to manage other adversity. We learn that when we face our pain with acceptance we will be led through it and then out of it. That understanding stretches our comfort zones. The ever-lengthening chain of positive outcomes teaches us to have hope and faith. We desire more for ourselves then we ever felt worthy of before. We live with intent and our confidence soars. We are prideful knowing that we hold the power over pain—pain does not hold the power over us.
What happened in the past is real, but the past is meant to teach us. We are supposed to learn from the past, not live in it. Our experiences, good and bad, will always be a part of our personal story, just as history will always be part of the story of the world we live in. And our story never ends; we continue to add chapters because our realities are constantly changing. It is not possible to live in the past—the person we are today is not the person we were ten or twenty years ago.
Life is full of countless blessings and infinite possibilities. Every moment is a lesson in inspiration. We need only be present.
About the Author
Randi Fine is a Radio Show Host, author of two books, and Life Issues Counselor living in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Love Your Life is a journal that she writes to connect with others who share in her mission of spreading light, love, and healing to the world. Randi hosts the blog talk-radio show, A Fine Time for Healing: A Sanctuary for Your Emotional Wellbeing. On her show she discusses self-help and spiritual life-skill topics that heal and enhance the life experiences of others. Randi Fine published her memoir, Fine…ly, in 2010 and her inspirational book, Awaken from Life, in 2012. Randi is a deeply spiritual person, following an enlightened path of her own design. It is a connection she faithfully trusts to guide her in every aspect of her life.
Watching as the season changes, looking back at the stages of life, dreaming of an unborn ‘unharmed’ generation, standing still as the falling world speeds by, inhaling the light and exhaling all else. What am I trying to get to? Clarity.
We’re into another autumn in the northern climes… and the operative word is ‘another’. Did the season change too soon? Other people have written about time and the speed of it, so maybe, collectively, we’re in that space… conscious of the chaotic events whirling around us while we don’t seem to be moving.
What we look for at harvest time is: this is what was planted, and this is what has come to fruit. Where or what is the fruit? It’s not that the recent springs and summers were empty or fewer things happened. So many things have happened that we have not been able to take it in. And admittedly, some things are so twisted that it’s nearly impossible for the mind to grasp.
Absent clarity, our underlying anxiety asks… are we keeping up? While the world is careening to and fro shouldn’t we be changing? Are we doing nothing?
It’s impossible to do nothing. Everyone is choosing and everyone is doing.
I’ve noticed, for myself at least, that when I start thinking about clarity I’ve already entered a new stage of life. From a new stage you can look back at how your growth occurred, and how you informed yourself and opened up to it, oftentimes unknowingly. The truth is; we’re seldom aware of changing, growing, evolving while we’re doing it. It’s afterwards that we look and see clearly.
For how long have we been engaged in the Holy Armageddon? Putting religion aside, those two words, Holy, and Armageddon, do contain the feeling and impact of this time. Whatever’s going on, we’re experiencing it and causing it to a degree. It is our inner divinity that is called to the test; it’s global belonging to everyone; it is ‘judgment’ or karmic as the name implies; and it’s the end of an Age and the beginning of an Age.
Whether frozen in fear, indulging in one thing or another, running about in reaction or growing in strength, awareness, and wisdom, we humans are changing not only because time and seasons require it, but because our world is demanding it.
Recently I’ve been talking about the changes with a young man in his late twenties. He said to me, “Sometimes I feel sad for my generation. We have nothing.” It’s true in the sense that he meant it. He is looking to the future and there is nothing offered. The illusion of a future in the matrix is stripped away, and for his generation there are no carrots dangling.
He accepts it… better to know the truth than to believe a comforting lie. “You will have your children,” I told him, and you know how to raise them without hurting them. You have the wisdom and knowledge to prepare them for a better world, and who knows what they’ll create. They may be the ones to bring the information through to a new world and write The Holy Armageddon Epilogue.
He actually talks about children often, says he’d like to be dad to a little mini tribe. He makes plans for how to educate them, and dreams about a community of like-minded individuals. He’s awake. I’m sure there are lots of others like him. And there are plenty more of his generation who are awake in a different way. Political and social Revolutionaries… they don’t see a future either, so one could say they’re born for the time as well. All are needed.
We do have a role in influencing how the younger generations understand themselves and refine their awareness. Writers did it for me when I was young, not only offering truth, but ideas that opened me up to one new stage and then another. Without the information that I found in books, and from spiritual teachers, I would be one of those fearful, unfulfilled sleeping ones. What they did in informing us, and what we are doing by passing it on, is vital.
Truth doesn’t work for everyone, of course. Information about the control system, consciousness, metaphysics, the divinity within and so on, has little influence on people who are fearful or hateful. Even if the information is pure and true, it isn’t going to reach into hate and fear. Stuck folks will need an epiphany, and I expect that life will handle that.
It’s hard to say the words without clear evidence, but I believe it… all is well. Absent clarity, still, all is well. Even though it may seem that collapse events are coming overwhelmingly fast and we are not keeping pace, just think about it: how I’ve changed, how you’ve changed, how much more we see every day, how the dross in our lives is being shaken out, how the response of the young is forming, how the number of people seeing through the illusion is increasing.
It’s the evolutionary journey: ego to Spirit, finite to infinite, chaos to clarity. This is a holy undertaking and we were born to make the trek.
So, that said, let’s return to autumn. It is such a beautiful, contemplative season. I like to stand quietly with it, take it in to the memory, and cause it to go on just a little longer. But as the earth shows us her glory we do get the signal to look ahead. It is our nature to prepare, externally and internally, embracing the one constant in life… change.