(The video ends before she finishes her talk. †The transcript below has the full story. Be sure to read all pages.)
First of all I always want to tell folks that I am not giving this testimony because I have any ill feeling in my heart toward the Roman Catholic people. I couldnít be a Christian if I still had bitterness in my heart. God delivered me from all bitterness and strife one day and made Him self real to me in the power of the Holy Spirit. And so, when I give this testimony, Iím giving it because after God saved me, he delivered me out of the convent and out of bondage to darkness, the Lord laid a burden upon my heart to give this testimony that others might know what plight the convents are. And so as you listen carefully this afternoon, I trust that Iíll not say one thing that will leave any feeling in your heart whatsoever that I donít carry a burden for the Roman Catholic people. I donít like the things they do. I donít agree with the things that they teach, but I covet their souls for Jesus. Iím interested in their souls. I believe that when Jesus went to Calvary, He died that you and I might know Him. And their souls are just as precious as your soul and my soul. So Iím interested.
1 Ė DESIRE TO WORK FOR GOD
First of all as we get into this testimony: Having been born into Roman Catholicism, not knowing anything else, not knowing the Word of God Ė because we didnít have the Bible in our home. We had never heard anything about this wonderful plan of salvation. And so, naturally, I grew up in that Roman Catholic home as a child knowing only the catechism, knowing only the teaching of the Roman Catholic Church. And because I loved the Lord, and because I wanted to do something for Him Ė I wanted to give Him my life Ė I didnít know of any other way for a Roman Catholic girl to give her life to God other than by entering a convent.
After going to the confessional box, where naturally Iím under the influence of my Father confessor, the Roman Catholic Priest Ė his influence over my life Ė one day I made up my mind, through His influence and one of my teachers in the parochial school that I wanted to be a little sister. At that time I thought of being a sister of the Open Order. And as I went on into this, up until the time I took my White Veil, sixteen and a half years of age, everything was beautiful. I really didnít have any fear in my heart whatsoever. Everything that was taught to me seemingly along the lines of what I had been taught in the Church before I had entered the convent.
And so one day, after making up my mind to enter the Convent, I remember that particular day, two of the sisters came home with me from school. They were my teachers. They arrived in my fatherís home that afternoon, and our Father confessor was in the home likewise. I often say that when I was a little girl, children were seen and not heard. You didnít talk when you were a child; at least you didnít in my family in my home, unless you were spoken to. And I remember I listened to them carry on a conversation. And then I moved over close enough to my father to ask him if I could say something. That was a bit out of the ordinary. And he permitted me to talk. And I said, ďDad, I want to go into a Convent.Ē And Iíll tell you that priest took it up quickly. They already had been influencing me.
My father broke down and began to cry, not because he was sad, but because he was so happy. My mother came over and took me in her arms and she, too, wept tears Ė she was very happy. Those were not tears of sadness because to think that her little girl was giving her life to the Convent to pray for lost humanity. And naturally, my family was very thrilled about it. And I was, too.
2 Ė INTO THE CONVENT
But anyway I didnít go for about a year after that. And then the time came when I was to leave and my mother prepared things for me. So I entered the convent. They took me. And they didnít have a place close enough to my fatherís and motherís home, so I think they took me around a thousand miles away from my home. So I entered a convent boarding school. I lasted about three months being thirteen years of age Ė just as a girl. I look back on it now, and thinkÖ my. Homesick? I was so homesick! Why, my mommy and daddy, they stayed three days with me and then they left. I became so homesick. Naturally, why shouldnít I? ó I was just a baby never away from home. When I was a little girl, you know, I never spent a night away from my mother. And I surely had never gone any place without my family. And naturally there was close ties in my family, and I was very lonely and very homesick. But Iíll never forget after Dad and mother told me, ďGood-bye.Ē And I knew theyíd be traveling a long distance away from me. And I had never realized in my heart Iíll never see them again. Naturally I hadnít planned it like that because I had planned to be a sister of the Open Order.
But if you listen carefully to this portion of the testimony then youíll understand just why Iím saying some of the things I am saying. Now oftentimes we say the priest selects his material through the confessional box, because at seven years of age I went to confessional. At seven years of age I would always, when Iíd come into the church first, first Iíd sit there at the feet of a crucifix. Iíd go to the Virgin Mary and then at the feet of the crucifix, and Iíd ask the Virgin Mary to help me make a good confessionÖ because I was a child and my heart was honest. And I knew that the priest taught us to always make a good confession Ė keep nothing back Ė tell everything if I expected absolution from any sin that I might have committed.
And so I would ask the Virgin Mary to help me make a good confession. And I would ask Jesus to help me make a good confession. And, Iíll assure you, after I lived in the convent for a short period of time I had to go on with my schooling ó I had just finished the eighth grade. And they promised me to give me a High School education and some college education. But I didnít get much college. I got mostly just high school training. And they gave that to me all right. I took it under some terrible difficulties and strains and all of that Ė it was rather difficult. But they gave it to me for which I appreciate very very much. But Iíll assure you, after they they put me through the crucial training that we must go through to become just a little novitiate entering a convent, the training is really, itís outstanding as far as the nun is concerned, and youíll know what its all about after youíve been in there for a little while.
So now I entered the convent. And for just a few minutes we want to tell you just a little bit how we lived Ė what we eat, how we sleep. If I take you into the convent and tell you about those things, youíll understand a little bit more about my testimony.
3 Ė THE WHITE VEIL
First, as I entered the convent, as just a small child I went on to school, I was being trained. But the day came when I was about fourteen and a half when the Mother Superior began telling me about the ďWhite Veil.Ē And I didnít know too much about it. By taking the White Veil, they told me that I would become the spouse or the Bride of Jesus Christ. There would be a ceremony. And I would be dressed in a wedding garment.
And on this particular morning, they told me at nine oíclock they would dress me up in a wedding garment. Now, youíre wondering where that came from, and how they got the wedding clothes for the little nuns. The Mother Superior sits down and writes a letter to my father to tell him how much money she wants. And then, whatever she asks, my father sends it. And she, the little buying sister, goes out and buys the material, and the wedding gown is made by the Nuns of the Cloister. (Iím still Open Order now.)
And of course, whatever she asks ó now you say, ďDid they spend all of the money for the wedding gown?Ē Well of course, we donít know these things at the very beginning of our testimony, but after we live in a convent for a little while, we learn to know they could ask my father for a hundred dollars and heíd send it. They would not use maybe a third of that for the wedding garment. They would keep the rest of it, and my father would never know the difference. Neither did I until Iíd lived in a convent for a period of time and I had to make some of the wedding clothes. And then I knew the value of them, and what they cost. And I knew of the money that came in because I was one of the older Nuns.
Well, alright, the time came, of course, when I walked down that aisle and I was dressed in a wedding garment. And you know, in the convent, I used to walk the fourteen Stations of the Cross the fourteen steps that Jesus carried the cross to Calvary, but after I made up my mind to take the White Veil, never again did I walk. I wanted to be worthy. I wanted to be holy enough to become the spouse or the Bride of Jesus Christ. And so I would get down on my knees and crawl the fourteen stations Ė quite a distance. But I crawled them every Friday morning. I thought it would make me holy. I felt it would draw me closer to God. It would make me worthy of the step that I was going to take. And thatís what I wanted more than anything in the world.
I would like to impress that in your hearts.
Every little girl that enters a convent that I know anything about, that child has the desire to live for God. That child has the desire to give her heart and mind and soul to God. Now, many, many people make this remark and we hear it from various types of folks who say, ďOnly bad women go into convents.Ē That isnít true. There are movie stars who go into convents. Theyíve lived out in the world and no doubt they are sinners and all of that. But they go in when theyíre women. They know what theyíre doing. And they go in only because the Roman Catholic Church is going to receive, not only thousands, but yea it will run up into the millions of dollars. And they donít mind who they take in as they can get a lot of money out of an individual.
But when the woman goes in as just a child Ė sheís just a child Ė and she goes in there with her heart and mind and soul just as clean as any child could be. I say that because sometimes we hear a lot of things that are really not true.
Now, after we become the spouse of Jesus Christ Ė I want you to listen carefully to this, and then you can follow me into the rest of the testimony Ė we are now looked upon as married women. We are looked upon as married women. We are the spouse or the Bride of Jesus Christ.
4 Ė BECOMING THE BRIDE OF CHRIST
Now, the priest teaches that every little girl that will take the White Veil theyíll become the bride of Christ. He teaches her to believe that her family will be saved. It doesnít make any difference how many banks they rob, how many stores they rob. It doesnít make any difference how they drink and smoke and carouse and live out in this sinful way and do all the things that sinners do. It doesnít make a bit of difference. Still, our family will be saved if we continue to live in the convent and give our lives to the convent or to the Church, we can rest assured that every members of our immediate family will be saved.
And you know that there are many little children that are influenced and enticed to to go into convents because we realize that it will be the salvation for our families. And sometimes, even Roman Catholic family, the children grow up and leave the Roman Catholic Church and go out into the deepest of sin. And so every little girl that enters into the convent is hoping by her sacrificing so much Ė home and mother and daddy Ė everything that a child loves Ė her family will be saved regardless of what sins they commit. And of course weíre children and our minds are immature and we donít know any better. And itís so easy to instil things like that into the hearts and minds of little children, and the priest is really very good at it.
And of course we looked upon our priest Ė our Father confessor Ė I looked upon him as God. Heís the only God I knew anything about. To me he is infallible. I didnít think he could sin. I didnít think that he would lie. I didnít think that he ever made a mistake. I looked upon him as the holiest of holies, because I didnít know of God, but I did know the Roman Catholic Priest. And to me, I looked to him for everything that I asked of any of God, so to speak, I believed the priest would give it to me.
And so the day comes and we, all of us now Ė and as we go on in, I want you to listen carefully, after taking the White Veil Ė things are beautiful. Iím sixteen and a half years of age. Everyoneís good to me. And Iím living in the convent and I havenít seen anything yet, because no little girl Ė weíre not subject to a Roman Catholic Priest until weíre twenty-one years of age. And as we give you this next vow, then youíll understand Ė we donít know about this. This is kept from the little sisters until weíve taken our Black Veil and then itís too late.
I donít carry the keys those double doors, and thereís no way for me to come out. The priests will tell all over the whole United States and other countries that sisters, or Nuns, rather, can walk out of convents when they want to. I spent twenty-two years there; I did everything there was to do to get out. Iíve carried table spoons with me into the dungeon and tried to dig down into that dirt because there are no floors in those places. But I never yet found myself digging far enough to get out of a convent with a table spoon, and thatís about the only instrument Ė because when weíre using the spade Ė and we do have to do hard, heavy work Ė when we use a spade weíre being guarded Ė weíre being watched by two older Nuns and theyíre going to report on it ó and Iíll assure you youíre not going to try and dig out with a spade. You wouldnít get very far anyway, because they built and made those convents, or built those convents, so little Nuns cannot escape. That was their purpose in building them, as they build them. And thereís no way for us to get out unless God makes a way. But I believe Godís making a way for numbers of little girls to come out of the convent.
5 Ė THE BLACK VEIL
Now when the time comes, I think I was eighteen when the Mother began talking to me. I planned to come out, see, after my White Veil. I wanted to be a little nursing sister in the Roman Church. But the Mother Superior Ė I suppose she was watching my life Ė I suppose she realized I had much endurance, I had a strong body. And I believe the woman was watching me, because one day she asked me to come into her office. And she began to tell me, ďCharlotte, you have a strong body.Ē And she said, ďI believe you have the possibilities of making a good Nun. A Cloistered Nun. I believe youíre the type that would be willing to give up home, give up mother and daddy, give up everything you love out in the world, and the world, so to speak, and hide yourself away behind convent doors. Because I believe youíre the kind that would hide back there and be willing to sacrifice and live in crucial poverty that you might pray for lost humanity.Ē She said, ďI believe youíre the kind that would be willing to suffer.Ē Because weíre taught to believe, as Nuns, that as we suffer our loved ones, and your loved ones that are already in a priestís purgatory will be delivered from purgatory sooner because of our suffering.
She knew I was willing to suffer. I didnít murmur. I didnít complain. She knew all of that. Sheís watching my life, and thatís the reason she began to tell me about the Black Veil. And then, of course, you know, I didnít know too much about a Cloistered Nun. I didnít know their lives. I didnít know how they live. I didnít know what theyíve done, but, you know, this woman proceeded to tell me.
Now we hear a lot of people try to tell me in the various places that we travel and go Ė Iíve heard a lot of Roman Catholics try to tell me, ďIíve been in so many Cloisters. I know all about them.Ē But you know a Roman Catholic can lie to you. And they donít have to go to Confession and tell the priest about the lie that theyíve told, because theyíre lying to protect their faith. They can tell any lie they want to to protect their faith and never go to the confessional box and tell the priest about it.
They can do more than that. They can steal up to forty dollars. And they donít have to tell the priest about it. They donít have to say one word about it in the Confessional box. They are taught that. Every Roman Catholic knows it. And every Roman Catholic Ė youíd be horrified to know how many of them steal up to that amount. And many of them lie. Weíve dealt with them. Iíve dealt with hundreds and hundreds of them. Iíve seen a good many of them fall in the altar and cry out to God to save them. And you know before their saved, they look into my face and hold my hand and lie to me. But after God gets a hold of their heart, then they want to make right what theyíve told me because they realize theyíve lied about it. But as long as theyíre Roman Catholic, theyíre permitted to lie. And itís the saddest thing. You canít expect them to know God, because God does not condone sin.
I donít care who you are. I donít believe God condones sin. And I donít believe Heís going to condone it in the Roman Catholic people, even though theyíre being misled and theyíre being blinded and led into ways that are going to lead them into a devilís hell.
I believe that with all of my heart, because Iíve lived in a convent. I know something about how these people live and what they do.
Now the day comes. She told me, ďCharlotte, you have to be willing to spill your blood. Jesus shed His upon Calvary.Ē She said, ďYou have to be willing to do penance. Heavy penance,Ē She said, ďYou have to be willing to live in crucial poverty.Ē
Now already Iím living in the pit of poverty, but I thought that was going to make me holy, and draw me closer to God, and would make me a better Nun. And so Iím willing to live in that poverty.
6 Ė LAYING IN A CASKET
And then on this particular morning, she told me what I would be wearing. She said, ďYouíll spend nine hours in a casket.Ē And she explained a number of things to me. That is the most I knew about it. And I didnít find that out until I had taken my White Veil.
And so, on this particular morning, Iím twenty-one years of age. But sixty days previous to my being twenty-one years of age, Iím going to sign some papers that they place in front of me. And those papers are this. Iím going to sign away every bit of inheritance that I might have received from my family after their death. Of course I signed that over to the Roman Catholic Church. And oftentimes I say the Roman Catholic priests are enticing girls Ė not only their background, not only their strong bodies, their strong minds and strong wills Ė but he is enticing girls where mothers and fathers have much property, and they are comfortably fixed with the material things of this life. Why? Because when that child enters the convent theyíre going to get a portion of her money Ė of her fatherís money.
And I often say even salvation in the Roman Catholic Church is going to cost you plenty of money. More than you know anything about. And so they donít mind commercializing off of that child and the inheritance that would have come to her.
7 Ė A FUNERAL SHROUD INSTEAD
OF A WEDDING GARMENT
And so on this particular morning I told the Mother Superior, ďGive me a little while to think it over.Ē She didnít make me do it. No one did. But I thought it over for a couple of years, and then one day I told her. I think Iím going to hide away behind the convent doors, because I believed I could give more time to God. I could pray more. I maybe would be in a position where I could inflict more pain upon my body because weíre taught to believe that God smiles down out of Heaven as we do penance Ė whatever the suffering might be. And I didnít know any better, because, I often say, if you could only look into the hearts of little Nuns, if you are a Christian, you would immediately cry out before God in behalf of those little girls, because to me we are heathens. It doesnít make any difference the amount of education we may have. We are still heathens. We know nothing about this lovely Christ Ė nothing about the plan of salvation. And weíre living as hermits in the Convent.
And so on this particular morning I come walking down an aisle again, similar to that. And, may I say, on the morning before, I canít go into it too deep, because I would never be able to cover enough of it so you could understand it, but this morning Iím walking down that aisle, but I donít have a wedding garment on. I have a funeral shroud. Its made of dark red velvet. And itís way down to the floor. And Iím walking down that aisle. Now, I know what Iím going to do. The casket is already made by the Nuns of the Cloister Ė very rough boards, and itís sitting right out here. And I know when I come down there that Iíll step into that casket and lay my body down. And Iím going to spend nine hours in there. And two little Nuns will come and cover me up with a heavy black cloth we call a heavy drape mortel. And, you know, itís so heavily incensed that I feel like I will smother to death. And I have to stay there.
Now, I know when I come out of that casket Iíll never leave the Convent again. I know Iíll never see my mother and father again. Iíll never go home again. Iíll always live behind convent doors and when I die my body will be buried there. They told me that. So I knew it even before I done it. Its a great price to pay and then to find out that Convents are not religious orders as we were taught and as we were trained. Itís quite a disappointment to a young girl thatís given her life to God and willing to give up so much and sacrifice so much. Iíll assure you, it was a disappointment.
And so after I spent those nightsÖ You say, ďWhat did you do when you lay in that casket?Ē What do you think I did? I spilled every tear in my body. I remembered every lovely thing my mother done for me. I remembered her voice. I remembered the gathering around the table. I remembered the times when she would pray with us. I remembered the things that she said to me. I remembered what a marvelous cook she was. Everything, as a little girl growing up in that home, I remembered it, laying in that casket Ė knowing Iíll never hear her voice again. Iíll never see her face again. Iíll never put my feet under her table again, enjoy her good cooking. I knew all that. And so maybe for four hours I spilled all the tears in my body because it was so hard. And I knew Iíd get homesick. I knew Iíll want to see her someday, but I gave it all up. What for? For the love of God I thought. I didnít know any better.
And Iíll assure you those were nine long hours. And then I seemingly got aíhold of myself, and I thought this, ďCharlotte, now youíre going to make the best Carmelite Nun,Ē because everything Iíve ever done even now that Iím out of the convent I do give my best. Iíd try to give everything that I had regardless of what I might do. And so I did in the Convent. I gave the best that I have. And I wanted to be the best Nun that I could possibly be. And the Mother Superior knew that. And, donít worry, the priest knew all about it, too.
8 Ė VOWS SIGNED IN BLOOD
Now, I realize after I walk out of that casket, or come out of it, theyíre going to take me like this. Over here, right back here, is a room. We call it the ďMother Superiorís Room.Ē Now, Iíd never been in that particular room, so I donít know what is to happen in there. But you know when I walk in there this time the Mother Superior sits me down in a straight-back, hard-bottom chair. And immediately then Iím going to take three vows of poverty chastity and obedience. And you know, as I take those vows, she opens a little place in the lobe of my ear and takes out a portion of blood, because I must sign every vow in my own blood.
And after that happens, then Iím going to take the vow of poverty. Now when I sign that vow, I sign it thus, that Iím willing to live in crucial poverty the balance of my life as long as I live. And what that poverty is like, of course, we donít know.
And then my next vow, Iím going to do a vow of chastity. And you know this vow, of course you know what it means. Iím taught to believe that Iím married to Jesus Christ. Iím His bride. Iíll always remain a virgin. Iíll never legally marry again in this world because I have become the spouse or the bride of Jesus Christ.
After the Bishop married me to Christ, he placed the ring on my finger. And that meant Iím sealed to Christ. Iím married to Him and I accepted it because I didnít know any better.
And now here I am taking a vow that I would always remain a virgin because Iím the bride of Christ. And I want you to listen carefully.
And then of course my last vow of obedience. Now, when we sign that vow, Iíll assure you, already I know what obedience means. Iím living in a convent. And there they demand absolute obedience. You donít get by with anything. Not even for two minutes. I mean, you donít get by with it. You have to realize what obedience means. And they demand it. And you learn to know it. And youíre much wiser the more quickly you learn it and you obey it. And you give them absolute obedience.
Alright, now. What does it mean to sign vows like this? Let me tell you this. It means more than you folks will ever know because most people that I know anything about, they know very little about obedience. Oh, in a sense, yes. But youíll never know what a little Nun knows about obedience, Iíll assure that one thing, unless youíve lived in the convent.
Alright, that particular vow when I signed it in my own blood, it done something to me, because, after Iíve signed those vows, do you realize that I signed away everything I have Ė my human rights? I have become a mechanical human being now. I canít sit down until they tell me to. I donít dare to get up until they tell me to. I canít lie down until they tell me to. And neither do I dare to I get up. I cannot eat until they tell me to. And what I see I donít see. What I hear I donít hear. What I feel I donít feel. Iíve become a mechanical human being, but youíre not aware of that until you have signed all these vows. Then you realize, ďHere I am Ė a mechanical human being.Ē And, of course, I belong to Rome now, Iíll assure you that right now.
Alright, after these particular vows, we become forgotten women in the convent. In just a short while youíll understand what Iím talking about. Now, immediately after Iíve taken those vows, then the Mother Superior is going to take away from me my name and give me the name of a patron saint. And she teaches me to believe that whatever happens to me in the convent, I can pray to that patron saint saint and she will intercede for me and get my prayers through to God, because Iím not holy enough to stand in the presence of God.
It isnít a wonder the little Nuns can never get closer to God. We have always been taught that weíll never be holy enough to stand in His presence. And we always have to go through somebody else in order to get a prayer through to God. And we believe it because we donít know any better.
9 Ė ALL FORMER IDENTIFICATIONS LOST
And so now all identification of who Charlotte was is going to be put away, itíll be taken away from me. And if you knew me and would come to the convent and call for my family name theyíd tell you there isnít such a person as that. I donít exist, even though Iím right there, because Iím writing under another name.
Now the Mother Superior is going to cut every bit of hair off of my head. And when she cuts it with the scissors she puts the clippers on it. And I mean thereís nothing left. I just donít have one speck of hair left on my head. And, of course, if you could be a Nun you would understand the heavy head-gear that we have to wear would be so cumbersome to have hair and so cumbersome to take care of it, we donít have any way of taking care of it in the convent. There are no combs in the convent. And so you can imagine how hard it would be for us to take care of a head of hair. Itís not necessary that we have a comb after they finish with us.
Alright, now. This is my Black Veil. These are my perpetual vows, weíll call them. Iím there and Iím going to stay there.
Now, you know, up until this time I received a letter once a month from my family. And I wrote a letter out of that convent once a month to my family. Even though, when I would write that letter, I had no doubt they marked out a lot of it, because when I would receive a letter from my family there was so much of it blacked out until there was no sense to the letter. And, oh, Iíd weep over those black marks. I was wondering what my mother was trying to say to me. And donít worry; youíll never get to know what she wanted to to say to you, because they blacked it out.
And so they break your hearts many, many times and youíre lonely anyway because you had no friends in the convent. Iíll assure you, even though there was a hundred and eighty on my particular wing, not one of those Nuns were my friend and neither was I a friend to them, because we are not allowed to be friends in the Convent. We are all policemen or detectives watching each other Ė thatís so weíll tell. And the little Nun who finds something to tell on the other Nuns, she stands in good favour with the Mother Superior. And then the Mother tells that Nun to believe that when she stands in good favour with the Mother Superior, sheís standing in good favour with God. And so that little Nun, of course, will want that, and sheíll tell a lot of things, maybe that are not even true, on the other little Nuns.
Alright, now,† after all of this has transpired and after all of this has happened Ė everything I have is gone, Iíve sold my soul for a mess of theological pottage, because, not only are we destroyed in our bodies, many of us in our minds, and many of us, if we die in the Convent, weíve lost our souls.
And so itís a serious thing. And I surely covet your prayers for little Nuns behind Cloistered Convent doors. Theyíll never hear this Gospel. Theyíll never know the Christ that you folk know tonight. Theyíll never pray to Him as you people pray to Him. Theyíll never feel His blessings as you people feel them. So put them on your hearts and pray for them. They surely need much prayer.
Alright, now as I walk into that room and all of this is transpiring. Now, bless you heart, I donít know whatís going to be in the next room. After this has transpired, and Iíve taken the vows that I will always remain a virgin, I will never legally marry in this world because Iím the spouse of Christ. And then after this, and the Mother Superior leads me out into another room, or rather she opens the door and Iím to be sent into that room.
10 Ė THE PRIEST IS THE HOLY GHOST
And when I walk out in that room I see something I have never seen before. I see a Roman Catholic Priest dressed in a holy habit. And he walks over to me and locks his arm in my arm which he had never done in the first part of my convent life. I never had a priest to insult me in any way. I never had one of them to be even unkind to me in the first part of my convent experience. But here he is now. And of course I didnít understand what it was all about. And I didnít know what in the world the man expected of me. And you know, I pulled from him because I felt highly insulted. And I pulled from him and I said, ďShame on you.Ē And it made him very angry for a minute. And the Mother Superior must have heard my voice, because she came out immediately, and she said, ďOh,Ē and they called me by my Church name. She said, ďAfter youíve been in the convent a little while you wonít feel this way. The rest of us felt the same way you do.Ē
And you know the priestís body is sanctified. And therefore it is not a sin for us to give the priests our bodies. In other words, they teach every little Nun this: As the Holy Ghost placed a germ in Maryís womb, and Jesus Christ was born, so the Priest is the Holy Ghost, and therefore it isnít a sin for us to bare his children. And let me tell you, thatís what they come to the convent for. No other purpose in this entire world do priests come into the convent but to rob those precious little girls of their virtue. And Iíll assure you, weíll be telling you a little later in the testimony just what they really do after they come in under those particular deals.
But may I say; now every bridge has been burned out from under me. Thereís no way back. I canít get out of the convent, even though I pled. Oh, how I pled with that priest, ďSend for my father. I want to go home. I donít want to go any farther.Ē Only to laugh in my face. And, let me tell you, thatís when you stand alone. And you donít know who to turn to. And youíre a victim of circumstances. And you live in the convent because there is no other way to get out of the convent. And, Iíll assure you, I stayed in the convent until God made a way for me to come out. So now after all of this, my mail will stop. Iíll never receive another bit of mail from my family. Never another letter. I belong to the Pope. I belong to Rome.
And then after all of this, the Mother Superior after taking these particular vows and the priest has invited me to go to the Bridal Chamber. You say, ďDid you go?Ē No. Definitely not. I didnít enter the convent to be a bad woman. It would have been much easier to have stayed out of the convent to be a bad woman. You wouldnít go into the convent and live in the poverty we lived in and to suffer as we suffered to be a bad woman. No girl would do that. It would have been much easier to stay out of the convent if I wanted to be a bad woman. But I went there to give my heart and life to God. And that was the only purpose I had in going there.
And here this priest is, and of course I didnít go into the Bridal Chamber with him. I had a strong body then. One of us would have been wounded because I would have fought until the last drop of blood. And, you know, it made them very, very angry, Iíll assure you. But I didnít go to the Bridal Chamber with him.
11 Ė BEFORE A DEAD NUN FOR ONE HOUR
But now Iím going to have to go to penance the next morning, and of course this will be a heavier penance because of what Iíd done already. And when the Mother Superior says, ďWeíre going to do penance the next morning,Ē Iím going to be initiated as a Carmelite Nun. And I remember when she walked with me down into that particular place it was a dark room. Now remember, I lived above on the first floor until my Black Veil. After the Black Veil, they take me one storey under the ground. And I live there from then on until God delivered me. Under the ground, I didnít live in the top part of the buildings at all.
But you know, as we walked into this room, itís dark and itís very cold. And when we walked in, we came from back there somewhere. We come walking towards the front. And I walked along beside the Mother Superior. And when I got near the front I saw those little candles burning. Anywhere in the convent youíll find the seven candles burning. And when I came a little closer I saw the candles, but I couldnít see anything else. And I wondered what is she going to do to me. Thatís the thing in our hearts and we canít get away from it, because we have fear.
And when I come a little closer I saw something lying on a board there. And, you know, when I came real close then I realized hereís a little Nun lying on that board. I call it a cooling board because it was that, and just as long as her body. And there she was. And when I could see where the candles flickered down on her face I realized that child is dead. And, oh, I wanted to say so much, ďHow did she die? Why is she here? How long do you keep her here?Ē But, you remember, I signed away every human right. And so I canít say one word, but I stood looking.
And then the Mother Superior said, ďYou stand vigilant over this dead body for one hour.Ē And at the end of the hour a little bell is tapped and another Nun will come to relieve me. And may I say, I was advised every so many minutes I would have to walk out into the up to front of that little body and sprinkle holy water and ashes over the body and say, ďPeace be unto you.Ē And I did exactly what they told me to do. Oh, it was a terrible feeling. Iím not afraid of the dead. Its the live people we have to be very cautious about. And I wasnít afraid of that little dead Nun, but, oh, my heart ached for her.
And you know after the bell tapped and I realized my hour had gone, the Nun who comes to relieve us comes back here somewhere. And of course we walked on our tip-toes. No noise was made in the convent. And they donít speak, they just touch you. And of course, my being down there with that little dead Nun, and I was full of fear, when that girl laid her hand on my shoulder I let out a scream Ė a horrible scream Ė from fear Ė just fear.
12 Ė THE FLAGELLATION WHIP
And, you know, I didnít mean to do it. I didnít break that rule on purpose, but I was scared. And immediately, of course, I had to come before the Mother Superior and thatís when I first learned to know, one of the first times, about a dungeon. They didnít tell me there were dungeons in the convents. And she put me in such a dirty, dark place, with no floor in it for three days and nights. And I didnít get any food and any water. And Iíll assure you I didnít scream any more. I tried so hard not to break the rules of screaming, because thereís a dungeon and I know theyíll put you in it. And, let me tell you right now, itís not a nice place to be. After youíve been in one of those places youíll know what it feels like.
Iíll say this before I go any farther that Popery is a masterpiece of Satan. I said itís a masterpiece of Satan with its lying wonders and its traditions and its deception. Itís a terrible thing when you know about it.
And so as I come down into this room, she took me, and let me look at this little girl, the penance is over, the very next morning she said again to me, ďCharlotte, youíre going to do penance.Ē Ė Not the next morning Ė it was three days after because I spent three days and nights in the dungeon, the fourth, fifth morning, whichever it was, she said, ďYouíre going to do penance.Ē She took me down into another room Ė not the same room. And when we come walking down this time I could see that big piece of wood, but I didnít know what it was. And when I came a little closer there was a cross. It was made of heavy timber. I might say it was maybe eight or ten feet high. Very heavy. And that cross was sitting on an incline like that. And she had me walk over here at the base of the cross, and she said, ďNow strip your clothes off.Ē And I took my clothes off. And then she made me Ė down to my waistline Ė and then she made me drape my body over the foot of that cross, and she pulled my hands underneath and bound them to my feet. And then, you know, thatís where I learned to spill my blood. And she had not told me how, and neither could I ask how I would spill it.
And she gave two little Nuns that came with her a flagellation whip. I might call it a bamboo pole. Itís about this long Ė itís about that big around. And it has six straps on it about this long. And on the end of either of those straps thereís a cross sharp piece of metal. And those little Nuns, either was given one of these whips, and they stood on either side of the cross. Now, at the same time those girls began whipping my body. And I mean when that metal hit my body it would break the hide, of course. It would cut into the flesh and I spilled blood. And it was running down to the floor. Thatís my flagellation whipping. That is where I spill my blood as Jesus shed His upon Calvary.
And of course Iím human. It wounded. It hurt. It was very painful. After the whipping is over they donít bathe my body. They put my clothing back on my body and I have to go the rest of the day.
When the night comes and I stand in front of my cell, there Ė after we stand there to undress with our backs to each other. And then when I went in, ohÖ I couldnít sleep that night. I just wasnít a bit sleepy because I couldnít take off all my clothes. They had dried in those wounds. And it was terrible. I didnít take them off for several nights.
13 Ė THE NUNíS DIET
And, Iíll assure you, when I came before my food, I didnít want my cup of black coffee.
In the morning we get a cup of black coffee they serve in a tin cup. We can have no milk and no sugar of any type. And we have one slice of bread. Thatís made by the Nuns of the Cloister. They weighed it. It weighs four ounces. Thatís all I get for breakfast.
And then of course in the evening I get a bowl of soup. And thatís fresh vegetables cooked together. Thereís no seasoning in the soup whatsoever, and a half a slice of bread. And three times a week they give me a half a glass of skim milk.
That consists of my food three hundred and sixty five days in the year.
And I began losing weight very rapidly, Iíll assure you, because I didnít have enough food to eat. I donít know the day I went to bed without a hungry stomach. Sometimes it would be so hungry I couldnít sleep. The pain was gnawing. You canít hardly stand it. And you know youíre only going to get that one slice of bread the next morning. That doesnít fill you up. And of course we have to work hard all day long.
And Iíll assure youÖ those little Nuns, and I covet your prayers for them. They need your prayers in more ways than one because youíll go to bed with a full stomach tonight. And youíre very comfortable right now. But Iíll assure you thereís not one of them thatís comfortable. Theyíre hungry and theyíre sick and theyíre wounded and theyíre hurt and theyíre heartsick and homesick Ė and discouraged. And worst of all, seemingly, they have no hope. No hope.
You and I are looking forward to the day when weíre going to see Jesus. They have no hope whatsoever. And I surely hope you donít forget to pray for them.
Alright. That was terrible, Iíll assure you.
Крым. Путь на Родину. Документальный фильм Андрея Кондрашова
Crimea. Road to Motherland (aka, Way Back Home). Film by Andrey Kondrashov
"The film includes an eye-opening reconstruction of the events on Kiev maidan and how the participants of the Kiev anti-maidan from Crimea, who came to express their viewpoint, were brutally hunted down and eliminated (very little known and remembered violent suppression of an alternative point of view by the Ukrainian beacon of Western democracy).
"Events leading up to Crimeaís vote for independence, including attempts by well-trained thugs from Kiev maidan and groups of radical local Tatars to take over Crimea, how unarmed people rose against armed Ukrainian SBU and army, the appearance of the ďlittle green menĒ and their role, how Ukrainian army switched to the Russian side;
"...to top it all off, operation ĎYanukovichí Ė how Ukraine president had 30 minutes to live and how he was whisked away. The whole movie is punctuated with candid and super-revealing interviews with Vladimir Putin, who tells the truth as it is about his personal role and personal control over the Crimea events (incidentally, as I predicted from the start)."
Crimea: The Way Home - EN Subtitles - Full Documentary